Boundaries The Space Between Us
Creating boundaries in relationships is a lesson I had to learn the hard way.
Not only have they taught me to create healthy relationships but they have showed me how to be happy alone.
I have attachment issues that stem from my childhood. Realizing this I decided to make changes in my life surrounding it.
Creating boundaries is one those changes I had to make.
I used to pretend that I was invincible in my relationships with friends and family.
When it comes to relationships with people I care about I want to always be there for them.My love language is listening with an attentive ear and showing and giving positive feedback.These traits began to be toxic for my own well being. I even went as far as putting their needs before my own. I would listen to their problems endlessly and act as a soundboard. I thought this was how you show someone that you care and that you are there for them.
Though my intentions were pure, I wasn't being completely honest with them or myself.
I'm a natural empath which means that when I am around someone I put all of my energy into them. I think about their feelings and I soak up their energies. I didn't realize that was draning me little by little.
I was so caught up on being there for them that I stopped focusing on myself and what I needed. If someone needed me I would be readily available and when they didn't I felt lost and hated being alone. I spent so much time on other peoples problems that I didn't realize I was developing a lot of my own. I was dealing with depression and not even noticing it. Being so intensely invested in other people kept me from having to deal with my own issues.
So I took a step back and re-evaluted how I deal with relationships.. Though it didn't come easy it did come in phases which I believe life is all about. I had to cut off all relationships that I was over-invested in. There was no easy way to do this, but it had to be done. I felt sad for weeks and felt like my heart had been broken losing relationships that I had invested so much time in, but I knew that if the people really cared for me they would know that I was dong what was best for me.
Then came the battle of spending time alone and enjoying it, dealing with the hard realization of who I was and what I needed to change. At first I wanted to pick up the phone and call someone whenever I was alone. But I knew there was so much I enjoyed dong on my own that I could focus on. it was about feeling confident in who I was, not focusing on my negative traits but more on the tings that I could do to change them.
I made daily routines that helped me stay focused on my goal. They consisted of saying daily affirmations in the mirror, working out and doing self care.
I would watch my favourite shows and make dinner. Those small things allowed me to enjoy my own company.
Over time boundaries became second nature, when I was in a good mood I wanted to be alone because my company kept me happy. No one could ruin my mood. Boundaries will keep your relationships healthy. They benefit you by creating space between you and the other person that allows you to focus on yourself. Too much of anything will make you unbalanced.Boundaries are extremely important for people who get attached easily and those who consider themselves empaths.
Remember that if two people respect each other in a relationship they will want the best for each other even if that means putting themselves first to have it. No one should ever make you feel guilty for needing space. That person doesn't want the best for you, they just want what they can get from you. Which is a lot because you are worth so much, put yourself first!